29.7.11

Confessional Thought

Sitting down here in front of my laptop, miles away from a life I was once accustomed to, a life full of lifelong familiar faces, laughter, and never-breaking ties, I put a finger into one thing and another. Lives I know I will never be able to be a part of. Fun times, enjoyment, activities I am too far away to attend, people apart from me I long to meet, friends I cannot greet and wish as of now.

Looking at all the happy faces, looking at all the sadness. Feeling the loss and bewilderment and confusion of those I used to spend endless happy hours with. I am suddenly overcome with a overwhelming feeling of gratitude of the life I have now. All the wonderful people that have walked into this chapter, all that we've done together. These are my fun times, my happy moments, my new cherished memories that will collect and grow.

It must hurt to have a heart open wide; even more painful still to have it stabbed and torn asunder by one you imagined to be there for you whenever you needed him. It must be very, very, very painful. And I watch on, how so many of these past reflections timidly show their vulnerability to that special someone, only to writhe in pain when it is shorn from their bodies and trod into the cold mud.

Here I am thankful once more for what I've been blessed with, and I hope that this happiness and lifelong learning will be evergreen. There will definitely be slips and bumps along the way, but I want to continue to believe that as long as I'm holding your hand, this first bend in the road we can pass together to enjoy what lies ahead.

I want to be able to say 'I love you, Esmond' now. And forever.