Tired Rant

Nah, not really tired. No time to be tired really; it's one thing after another, even if I was tired I would have to make sure I wasn't or I wouldn't ever get anywhere with assignments.

Dear God, university life has disappointed me greatly.

I'm not going to go *screamscreamscreamflipmiddlefingerup* because I'd like to believe that there is rational reason for the chaos of all this. But that won't stop me from thinking that this is NOT the best studying environment to be in. I mean, we hardly have any time to complete one assignment when the next one comes right in, and then all of them are due the same week. I think a lot of my fellow coursemates would agree that a little more time to breathe would be great. The assignment at hand demand so much from us; and I think all of us would like to give our very best and achieve near-perfection.

But, seriously, with the amount of time we get for most of the assignments, it's superbly taxing trying to do just that.

I know that university life is not the same as high-school. Of course we do not expect to be spoon-fed every little thing. But it's stupid when the lecturers throw every bit of information they are paid to throw at us and leave us at that. So that they expect one lesson we'll be able to grasp and execute perfection.

We are all here for similar reasons. We love creating, we love creativity, we love challenges and thinking out of the box. But to force us to think in the least time possible will do nothing but hamper the creative learning process. There is only so much we can absorb in one moment; not all of us are Da Vincis.

Thinking optimistically, working against the clock is good training for when we enter the industry and have to face the panic of deadlines, but really, COME ON. At the end of the day we are still students. We're here to learn the ropes and learn them well. Instead we hate our assignments more and more as the days pass and when that happens, we end up doing our assignments just to get it over and done with and not by enjoying and learning something from it.

What kind of a learning process is this? And what will we turn out to be in the future? If this continues, I think most of us would graduate (if we ever make it that far) as individuals who stop enjoying the journey and just want to reach the end. And that'll be as far as our creativity will go, believe you me.

And though idea development is a very important step to creating artwork (or anything for that matter), it is really quite ridiculous to be expected to produce 10-20 different ideas revolving around one core point. I think even the lecturers would realize that out of all the 10-20, not more than 5 would be considered good ideas and the rest would be just shitty reproductions. No doubt this development would make us think of different approaches towards a single problem. But as the saying goes: QUALITY OVER QUANTITY.

Perhaps I'm contradicting myself, perhaps people with more experience would simply think I'm a whiner. Then I would like to remind you that once, you too were a student. You had (and hopefully still have) zeal and passion and energy. I'm sure you'd once felt disheartened and frustrated when you are forced to do something just for the sake of it and not being able to enjoy it as you wish.

Unless you want most of us to go around moaning to our friends about our crap time here, I think the higher authorities should do something about returning the creativity and FUN to learning. After all, life isn't about the final destination, it's about the journey towards it.

Tell me if I'm contradicting myself, please.


Inner Monologue

Weird how things work out sometimes.

You can be miles apart, and yet you share equally hectic lives, you stray further from things both of you thought important; both of you make attempts to return to your roots. Stay for awhile, drift apart slowly, and the whole cycle starts again.

We might not have that many chances to meet, but it seems that no matter what, our ties will never be severed. Whether we want it or not, we will remain little fragments that were once part of a bigger puzzle, a piece of a memory that was vibrant with colour, excitement, big inappropriate words, fun and laughter.

The present is where we all live in, but sometimes I get the feeling of wanting to relive those past moments, just so I can feel that second when I didn't care about what the world thought of me, when I foolishly thought that the bubble of our time together would remain afloat forever in the bright, happy sky.

The day to remember draws near, and yet all of us don't seem to be any closer; in fact we appear to be back to square one. You living your life, I living mine.

No matter. The red ribbon of fate that allowed our paths to converge once is wound up tight. It's not letting go, I'm not letting go. Not now, not ever.

Just a post to let you know I'm thinking of you.



This place is as good as dead, isn't it?

I'm sorry I didn't put any effort in blogging. Gah, screw that; I haven't put any effort in writing in my journal either, and that is at least a hundred times more important.

It's not a good thing, not at all. I suppose to other people they'll just think 'so what? It's not your fault your life is busy as hell. Anyway, it's just blogging/writing. No one's going to want to read it anyway' etc etc.

It's not that way for me. Not at all.

I can't find it in myself to scream and let whatever I feel out however I fancy. Sometimes I find it hard to show others my real feelings (doesn't everyone?). I try not to show my bad side because it can look very, very ugly and hell, I'm not in most people's list of Good Lasting Impressions and I don't want to drop any further down. So I tend to keep stuff inside. Hence the rapid growth of white hairs on my head and the odd pain I get in my chest that sure as hell does not tickle when you prod it =_=.

Writing helps me in ways I think most writers would agree to. It keeps things in perspective. Writing it down makes me see the picture for what it really is, because even if I wanted to blow things out of proportion, I'd have to look at the real thing first, and that would make me think twice before actually being a drama queen. It keeps the memory down, right down in hard black and white. So that when I turn back the pages after a while, I read and think 'oh, right, this happened'. It refreshes my disintegrating mind. And it reminds me. It reminds me of what I am, what I'm here for, what I am trying to be. It aligns my fears, my goals, my ups, my downs so that I can see every single detail in chronological order and put a mark at where I stand, and where I will be standing when I continue through the journey most of us call life.

It's simple, really. Writing keeps me sane. And the less I write, the further I feel from myself and what I really am.

Laziness is the essence of all evil, and for that I shall strive to overcome my vice and remind myself that Joanne Loo, you can do much, MUCH better than this.