This place is as good as dead, isn't it?

I'm sorry I didn't put any effort in blogging. Gah, screw that; I haven't put any effort in writing in my journal either, and that is at least a hundred times more important.

It's not a good thing, not at all. I suppose to other people they'll just think 'so what? It's not your fault your life is busy as hell. Anyway, it's just blogging/writing. No one's going to want to read it anyway' etc etc.

It's not that way for me. Not at all.

I can't find it in myself to scream and let whatever I feel out however I fancy. Sometimes I find it hard to show others my real feelings (doesn't everyone?). I try not to show my bad side because it can look very, very ugly and hell, I'm not in most people's list of Good Lasting Impressions and I don't want to drop any further down. So I tend to keep stuff inside. Hence the rapid growth of white hairs on my head and the odd pain I get in my chest that sure as hell does not tickle when you prod it =_=.

Writing helps me in ways I think most writers would agree to. It keeps things in perspective. Writing it down makes me see the picture for what it really is, because even if I wanted to blow things out of proportion, I'd have to look at the real thing first, and that would make me think twice before actually being a drama queen. It keeps the memory down, right down in hard black and white. So that when I turn back the pages after a while, I read and think 'oh, right, this happened'. It refreshes my disintegrating mind. And it reminds me. It reminds me of what I am, what I'm here for, what I am trying to be. It aligns my fears, my goals, my ups, my downs so that I can see every single detail in chronological order and put a mark at where I stand, and where I will be standing when I continue through the journey most of us call life.

It's simple, really. Writing keeps me sane. And the less I write, the further I feel from myself and what I really am.

Laziness is the essence of all evil, and for that I shall strive to overcome my vice and remind myself that Joanne Loo, you can do much, MUCH better than this.