Confessional Thought

Sitting down here in front of my laptop, miles away from a life I was once accustomed to, a life full of lifelong familiar faces, laughter, and never-breaking ties, I put a finger into one thing and another. Lives I know I will never be able to be a part of. Fun times, enjoyment, activities I am too far away to attend, people apart from me I long to meet, friends I cannot greet and wish as of now.

Looking at all the happy faces, looking at all the sadness. Feeling the loss and bewilderment and confusion of those I used to spend endless happy hours with. I am suddenly overcome with a overwhelming feeling of gratitude of the life I have now. All the wonderful people that have walked into this chapter, all that we've done together. These are my fun times, my happy moments, my new cherished memories that will collect and grow.

It must hurt to have a heart open wide; even more painful still to have it stabbed and torn asunder by one you imagined to be there for you whenever you needed him. It must be very, very, very painful. And I watch on, how so many of these past reflections timidly show their vulnerability to that special someone, only to writhe in pain when it is shorn from their bodies and trod into the cold mud.

Here I am thankful once more for what I've been blessed with, and I hope that this happiness and lifelong learning will be evergreen. There will definitely be slips and bumps along the way, but I want to continue to believe that as long as I'm holding your hand, this first bend in the road we can pass together to enjoy what lies ahead.

I want to be able to say 'I love you, Esmond' now. And forever.



The first few moments of waking up after sleeping. You get this stupid feeling of being awake and yet cobwebs of sleep are still all over you. Trapped between two worlds of dreams and reality, so that when thoughts come into your head it's difficult to tell which are real and which are just figments of your imagination.
You move through the reality of chores and routines with mechanical rigidness; with short, jerky movements, getting the job done almost intuitively instead of actually thinking about it. So that later when you think back you get the feeling as if you haven't done something when you actually have.
When you sit down you get an odd, restless feeling as if time is moving to quickly and there are so many things to do, so many tasks to complete, so many ambitions to achieve. As if the brief respite has sent you hurtling into the future and you've lost ten years off your youth.

Maybe it's due to the time of awakening. One of the worst times possible to wake from a nap, in my opinion. It's that moment when it's neither day nor night, when light battles a dying war, when it's final majestic rays lay sinking in the horizon and darkness takes its place in the sky.

And that is why I hate twilight.

At this time of the day I sometimes feel as if the sun will never rise again.


This is not a toy

There are those times in life when we do really odd things for the hell of it. Like randomly Googling an item and uncovering an entire cult. Or stumbling upon some novelty shop in some seemingly faraway place, then getting directions to it and roping a travel buddy in to embark on an adventure into the unknown. Or actually making it to some faraway novelty shop and then spending a mini fortune on novelty items.

Or, all of them at the same time.


Yeah, so, uhm. Haha. Just another one of my random splurges I suppose? XD. I don't even know how I got myself into this. I stumbled upon The *Click* Shop some odd weeks ago and I was instantly attracted to the colourful little cameras and whatnot. And, yeah, I'll admit it, even earlier before I had expressed my negative opinions in regards to polaroids and lomography, but after delving further into the subject and learning more about its ways and 10 nonsensical rules, I felt game to try.

Of course, Esmond will probably never allow me to forget just how pointless I thought it all to be when we were first discussing all of this XD. Anyway, we got directions to the shop in PJ and with some divine intervention and luck we got ourselves at the doorstep by 11 on a sunny Saturday morning =D. After much deliberating and wishful thinking (plus a short trip to the nearby CIMB bank for the ATM), we made our purchases and made ourselves pretty much broke.

You see, that's why it's great to have a buddy with you at all times. You drool over things together, choose and pay for stuff together, get broke together. One of those blissful things in life that only much friendship and love can provide.

Anyway, the Diana F+ is a fun little plastic camera with odd little knobs and switches. Not something overtly complicated neither is it something that requires no brain cells to operate. I have yet to develop the roll of film within it, but believe you me it is a mixed bag of feelings on what I expect the end results to be. Partly because it's my first time using a toy lomo camera such as the Diana and partly because I loaded a 220mm film into it instead of the needed 120mm (25 bucks for that-expensive first mistake which I pray will reap *some* satisfactory results so that I wouldn't feel too much of a heartache =P

Oddly though, when I first held the box I was wondering why it was a lot heavier than I expected it to be, what with the camera being made entirely of plastic. It was only when I unpacked the little dood that I realized it came with a BOOK.

Only God knows just how much I love books XD.

The *Click* Shop had a few of the same books on display in-shop and I was wondering where to get it. Didn't realize how soon I could own it 8D. Haven't quite looked at it, really. But from the cover I believe it to be some sort of collection of short stories and photography using the Diana camera. It's a beautiful little cloth-bound hardcover with colour and black and white pictures inside. I think it's worth more than the camera itself, lol.

Hm, so this begins a new photo-taking experience for me? XD. Here's hoping I have fun and somehow improve my photography $k!lLz without burning a crater into my wallet =P.

Yeah, I really do want to know when I started spelling $k!lLz that way.



Omg omg omg Copic Colour has this awesome feature that allows you to show which markers you have and which you want O___O.

I'm so loving this site, lol. It's Copic-licious in all the right ways XD.

Anyone actually had hands on experience at the rally today? Esmond and I were giving in to some imagining about how it'd have really good photography and journalling opportunities. As long as we don't get hit on the head by a tear gas canister or take a water cannon blast in the face of the Canons, lol. Get it get it? XD.

Owhkay, fine, lame joke =___=. Moving on.

I bet the souls of our nation's previous leaders are greviously at un-rest right now. Seeing at how atrociously disgusting the authorities are behaving. I thought it was a citizen's right to rally and demand for their needs and wants? So much for being all about the rakyat and shyt. Back then when our forefathers were striving for Independence they rallied and discussed and demonstrated- you don't see them firing up the tear gas and water cannons. Or maybe twas because they didn't have that kind of stuff back then. Haha.

Speaking seriously though, what is it all about when the younger generation are taught in History classes all their high school lives about how our Independence was won through peaceful discussion and diplomatic reasoning- and that we should all be taking a leaf out of our past leaders' books? If you're going to drill that into the heads of the students, then the least those a-holes up there could do is actually practice what they're throwing out there to preach. For some old farts with more money than they actually deserve, they sure act like a bunch of kids fresh out of juvenile prison.

Yeah, expect the ISA to cart me off soon enough.

Anyways, I'm going to put this shyt aside for now and try to do something more worth my while. Like. Playing with my markers and zoning out. Lol. Farewell.

Happy Marker News!!!

I just found out that Copic now has an online community named Copic Color! Yayness! It feels awesome to be able to be part of a marker-enthusiastic community and to be able to share the Copic goodness =).

In the website you can share your Copic creations with other Copic enthusiasts. One of the awesome things about the site is that you can actually set down the Copic colours you used as your artwork palette. Besides getting a whole load of news updates and promotions of the Copic world, you can also get tips and techniques in improving your Copic $k!lLz =D.

It's odd to think that despite being manufactured and created by Japan, Copic markers are more popular and engaging to the public in the US. Unfortunately it's harder to find a community here in S.E Asia, what more to say Malaysia. It's that or I'm not bothered to search hard enough.

Anyways, it's things like these that make me hype up to keep using Copic markers =D. Better start brewing up some fresh ideas (and actually execute them!) before my markers dry up, lol.


love is NOT dead ;____;

T^T yes you know why I'm here again.

OMG How could I have missed the update. Talk about super slow. Joanne you effing retard ;__;.

Yes, I just found out that D'espairsray disbanded. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?! Hizumi-san, I shall pray for your speedy recovery. The world of Jrock needs you and d'espa's awesomeness, please don't leave!!! T___T.

Listening to the Monsters album, I realized just how hard he must've pushed himself despite the pain he must be going through. Oh how artists suffer for their art, how much we love them for it. Why must they be punished for bringing so much good to the world of Jrock *sobs*.
Omg, I remember when I first listened to their Redeemer album. Didn't quite hit it for me at first, but I think that they're the only band that got a revisit, didn't they? Besides Gackt who had multiple revisits...pointless digression. But post-Gackt, I actually listened to d'espa's songs a lot more. I remember all those bus rides to campus and malls during first sem when I was pretty much in loner mode and I had their tracks playing on repeat. And the MV for Redeemer will forever be one of my favourites. And TSUKASAAAAAA!!!!! The only drummer I bothered fangirling about! T_T.
Awesomeness will live forevermore, Immortal-ized in their albums. They were Tricksters, Human-clad Monsters of rock-goodness. I don't think any of their fans will believe that this is their Final Call. They won't be Lost in Re:birth, they won't take part in the Devil's Parade, this is not their Death Point. I think all the fans are united in prayers and hoping that Hizumi recovers completely, so that they will continue to be infinitely Brilliant, moving right on to the Horizon.

Yeah, it happens all the time, doesn't it? You'll never quite appreciate a good thing till it's gone. Only when you've realized it's dead, only then will the memories of the glory surge upon you in one fell, heart-breaking swoop.

No, Love Is not Dead.


Sprouting Experimentational Awesomeness XD

Today, my rocket science in the kitchen continued with a new element in the spotlight=> Brussel Sprouts.

Before this the only thing I actually knew about these little green thingies is how detested they are by little children in TV shows and cartoons. Buying them for the first time, I can't help but notice how they resemble weeny cabbages (sho cute XD) and because I like cabbages I don't believe I felt much antagonism at first glance.

Was suppose to cook/eat them with Esmond (I actually BOUGHT them for him =P) but due to unforseen circumstances I had to experiment and test solo this time.

Anyways, I did some magic Googling and found a suitable recipe here for me skillet and ingredients, and that got to preparing and cooking. The first thing that caught my attention when the sprouts were browning in the pan was the smell. Wow. It was a deliciously nutty aroma, not what I was expecting at all. Tastewise...hm. They're really like bite-sized lettuces. A little bit bitter but I thought that actually made it taste more interesting. And it was filling O_O. That or I was still full from me yummeh lunch of salmon+lettuce/cherry tomato salad+potato. Yesh, envy me and my gawdawesomeness while I envy you pulling on your size 0 jeans =D. Anyway I saved half of them sprouty goodness for tomorrow's sausage lunch, woohoo.

Was suppose to be going on major rant mode about me assignments but I don't think I want to, simply because I really don't see a need to XD. Am actually enjoying them somewhat. Now that the boring ones are out of the way (oh wait, History of Art exam July 5th FTW XD) I can swim along and poke and fiddle round =D.

The semester's ending though. Two more weeks. Then...then...awesomeness shall go to the next level. Haha. No, that wasn't how the sentence was suppose to end. Twas suppose to be awfully emo but I shall not be awfully emo at this very moment. After all, Buddha says that we should not regret the past nor worry about the future, but to live in the present and be the best of yourself in the present moment and I don't see why we shouldn't agree with the man.

Weekend again. I shall attempt to complete all me assignments and not get bored. Who'd think that the day would come for me to dislike weekends and look forward to Mondays, eh? XD. Guess changes come along in all ways and forms, haha. Part of life, change is. Just gotta accept, adapt, and chill~

Ramble done for now. I should start thinking about another story soon. I've left my other blog dead for a twee bit too long. Until then, stay cool =D.