19.3.11

This sucks

The one event I want to go to and I don't see a way to get to it.

And no, I don't mean the Linkin Park concert during the Singapore GP. That can go up in flames for all I care compared to what I want to go to.

Nothing might happen. I might not even win. Hell, the whole building might go up in flames instead of the GP circuit. But I feel that this is something I really don't want to miss. It wasn't such a big thing when I first joined the competition, but now that I know what's in store, I don't want to miss it. I don't want to not be there during the speeches, during the exhibition, during the meet-up with professionals and fellow artists-in-the-making. It's a new experience I want to have under my belt; not something I want to look back at and curse at myself for being such a fucking fool to let slide.

But one thing I know I can't and won't do is desert my teammates. I can't be so bloody selfish to leave them at THE most critical moment of the whole semester just to go for something of my own gain. It's something you need to do when you're playing by team. You can't put yourself first. The team does. And I'm not about to do something as fucked up as ditching them at a time when we all need to be together.

But is it worth it?

What the fuck am I saying. Joanne go kill yourself. OF COURSE IT'S WORTH IT. Your semester's GPA is at stake, along with four other GPAs belonging to your fellow teammates. And I know for sure that I will NEVER forgive myself if anything screws up for us. I love my team too much to do something so ridiculous as that. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF JOANNE. STOP ACTING LIKE A WHINY ASSHOLE AND SET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

...

I don't even want to begin asking why. Haha, fucking ironic. Here we are building a fucking 7 ft tall question mark and a man doing the 'what's up?' pose and all this unsolved problems are fucking laughing in my fucking face. It's just two wrong things happening at the wrongest of times. Can't get any wronger than that. Unless the question mark breaks in half or I die that is *touches wood*.

Why am I feeling so shitty? T T. I'm sorry, I desert this place for almost half a year and come back swearing my head off and being emo. I shouldn't be acting so stupid. No excuses needed.

Argh.