Whooo

Random update~

Omg, one more week till end of semester!!! Not like it makes any difference; there'll only be less than a week of happy days before we become even happier (cough) when we return to campus for sem 3. Beh. What should I do with such limited time? Travel the world? Lose weight by gaming nonstop? Sleep and never wake up?

I should go earn some money, lol.

Gosh, I have never been so broke as I have been this week. I have...less than 20 bucks to see me through to the end of the month. Not sure what I've been spending on actually.Food. Transport. Materials (though how you can spend money on a project that requires construction out of recyclable items that you pick up from the side of the road I have no idea- oh wait, I believe my team and I have just proven that you can. Haha).

I haven't actually been spending much time in my room these days too. Been too caught up with this project I'm actually starting to dream about it XD. Also due to certain individuals that just irritate the effing hell outta me by acting as if they own the entire world and can therefore waltz into every house and room they see, I have been actually avoiding returning to my place. Yes, yes. Wtf is my problem right. If I knew I'd have killed said individual earlier, lol. Kidding.


I don't really know what I want to do anymore, really. Is it normal to feel okay with feeling so happily lost?


I see the sky outside the window. I'm surprised at how clear and blue it looks today.

I wonder.

Is it only possible that we can see only one side of the moon?

This sucks

The one event I want to go to and I don't see a way to get to it.

And no, I don't mean the Linkin Park concert during the Singapore GP. That can go up in flames for all I care compared to what I want to go to.

Nothing might happen. I might not even win. Hell, the whole building might go up in flames instead of the GP circuit. But I feel that this is something I really don't want to miss. It wasn't such a big thing when I first joined the competition, but now that I know what's in store, I don't want to miss it. I don't want to not be there during the speeches, during the exhibition, during the meet-up with professionals and fellow artists-in-the-making. It's a new experience I want to have under my belt; not something I want to look back at and curse at myself for being such a fucking fool to let slide.

But one thing I know I can't and won't do is desert my teammates. I can't be so bloody selfish to leave them at THE most critical moment of the whole semester just to go for something of my own gain. It's something you need to do when you're playing by team. You can't put yourself first. The team does. And I'm not about to do something as fucked up as ditching them at a time when we all need to be together.

But is it worth it?

What the fuck am I saying. Joanne go kill yourself. OF COURSE IT'S WORTH IT. Your semester's GPA is at stake, along with four other GPAs belonging to your fellow teammates. And I know for sure that I will NEVER forgive myself if anything screws up for us. I love my team too much to do something so ridiculous as that. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF JOANNE. STOP ACTING LIKE A WHINY ASSHOLE AND SET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

...

I don't even want to begin asking why. Haha, fucking ironic. Here we are building a fucking 7 ft tall question mark and a man doing the 'what's up?' pose and all this unsolved problems are fucking laughing in my fucking face. It's just two wrong things happening at the wrongest of times. Can't get any wronger than that. Unless the question mark breaks in half or I die that is *touches wood*.

Why am I feeling so shitty? T T. I'm sorry, I desert this place for almost half a year and come back swearing my head off and being emo. I shouldn't be acting so stupid. No excuses needed.

Argh.

Ouch

This is absolutely ridiculous.

This was one thing I kinda failed to realize. That this would scare the effing crap out of me. Is it suppose to? Is it just how new experiences are? Moments where you feel absolutely frightened out of your wits?

What am I afraid of anyway?

Bah

Yeah, I know, I know, I haven't been blogging. I haven't been journalling. Heck sem 2 is almost gone and almost nothing about it was recorded. What the fuck. I'm angry at myself, because I know that one day I'll be looking back on this, trying to fish cherished memories from murky waters, only to realize that I can't seem to find them. Fuck it.

Well, final project (yes it's been that long) is in full swing; two more weeks to go to final presentation. My group and I are getting along pretty well, but I'm hoping like hell that I can make it to the...event that I want to go to on the 2nd of April. I joined a Campap competition last year and I am shortlisted as a winner and have to attend the award ceremony. There will also be a 2 day exhibition in Times Square Penang (fuck yes, it's in Penang. I've no idea how I plan to make my way there. Probably fashion myself a pair of wings out of all the recyclable materials we've been collecting for our final project and flap myself across DX), that and 365/366 artworks will be compiled into a book. Yes, it's a big thing. I wasn't actually aware that it was such a big thing when I first joined. Oh well. Anyway, yeah, the only thing stopping me from going is the wonderful fact that my final project presentation is on the 4th of April. Big big big wtf. The whole semester has been a continuous series of big wtf moments, apparently. Let's see how the great Joanne shall pull this one off, haha.

What else is up? Temperatures, tempers, testosterone. Lol. I think I've been hanging around guys too much these days. I'm going to end up being one of the guys soon, if I haven't been included before that is =P. But it's so much more fun working with people that you can joke and mess around with. Though of course there were the multiple moments when I wish I could just throw random things about (and do- only to hit faces and send glasses flying XD), but all in all it's an awesome experience to work with great people with VERY different ideas.

It's tiring though. This whole semester has been. In fact, at the height of all this excitement, I have to say that this final project moment is a lot more relaxed compared to the beginning of semester. I have time to actually sit down and contemplate the direction I'm heading to, even if I'm not sleeping as much as I wish I could.

We actually have a lot more time to go around and have fun. Just yesterday I went off to the Community club to watch my classmates + one lecturer play futsal. It was highly entertaining, rest assured. After that the whole bunch of us + housemates went to the longest pasar malam somewhere in Cheras (16 of us, imagine that). Then after that we all went to Cyber for tea and chat at 12am. Tiring, considering that I ended up only sleeping at 3, but completely worth it. Today (or is it yesterday? It's been today for almost half and hour now, haha) my group members and I went to Putrajaya in hopes of being able to see some hot air balloons. Ran out of luck though. We did see some awesome giant hamster balls but we didn't play because not all of us were keen on it (I for one wasn't into their idea of them bashing me with transparent balls of gigantic proportions).

There are so so so many events I wish I'd recorded, but I haven't and now the memories of them are already beginning to fade. I'm not in the right mind to search for them now. No. I don't actually want to think now. Because when I do I'll only think of what ifs and oh nos and why nots. I don't want to do this. I don't want to ruin something that's going on okay all the while. I'm afraid of jumping into the unknown; I'm afraid of not being prepared.

This is stupid. It wasn't supposed to turn into an emo post right at the very end. What the hell.