17.5.11

Random thought


...

Don't know about you, but I think it is something like human nature to want to be different from everyone else. Humans search so hard for that one thing (or two) that sets them apart from all their peers; from the people around them. So that they will be...remembered? Recognized? Respected? The list of possibilities are endless as to how or why people just want to be 'the one'. So if a chance to stand out just happens to pass them by, whether it be related to them or not, they'd jump right at it, drag it into their snares and claim it theirs.
It's funny, how some people react. Beforehand they knew probably the chance by just a fleeting glance of the face. Next thing you know they're making a big hoo ha and boohoo she was so important to me, bla bla bla. Oh come on, don't exaggerate. She wouldn't like it either. She'd probably call you a pathetic bitch or something, lol. But it is pathetic, this attempt to be 'different'. You take someone's anguish and loss and claim it as yours, hoping to add some sort of battle scar from life that you can proudly wear on your arm and show off to other people so that they can stare at you in awe and think you amazing. God, it's so revolting.
Then again, it's hard to perceive what's what. In this time and age, the littlest thing with the slightest inclination to the idea of being selfishly 'emo', whether it being genuine or not, would make the purists think negatively anyway. One mention of it and it'd be almost as if you've committed Hell's greatest sin. In that sense I think the purists should just shut up and open up. How long do you want to keep it in?
But. That said, the purists who kept their sleeves rolled right down and their hearts in the right places, they I admire most. Because those are the strongest and the bravest of all in this skirmish of life.

Hm.

Maybe I'm just the same as everyone else. When was the last time we actually had a long friendly conversation? When was the last time we exchanged jokes and teases and smiles, none directed at one another in a sarcastic way? The memories I have now are from waaaaaay beyond, back in the days when everything was happy and pure and innocent. If I looked at that extreme past and the more recent past, it'd be like two entirely different sets of people, a completely new pair of weirdos- two parallel lines walking side by side with occasional bumps into one another.

It's one parallel line now.

Maybe that's why I didn't want to say anything about it, not until now when I just think back to certain people and get unnecessarily irritated by them. I don't feel like I deserve the honour to go wailing and boohooing and all that (though I believe some lesser deserving individuals have done just that). I wouldn't like other people getting unnecessarily irritated at me and honestly speaking, I think I'd have disgusted myself too. For not trying and then being a pathetic, whining thing about it when all is too late.

Saw something on tv yesterday when this guy was saying time heals all wounds. And that that was complete and utter bullshit. Because, years later, thinking back about it, you're still going to remember and hurt. And you're still going to feel that ache in your chest you thought time already erased. Those tears you thought time wiped tenderly away from your eyes will still well up. Those words you wished you said, those things you wished you did, all of them are still there in your mind, bright as day, almost as if the events of the long past took place only yesterday.

Regret is still there. I feel it right here.



This has been a nice, self-contradictory ramble from someone who has been sitting on the fence all this while.