No Shyt, Sherlock.

Disclaimer: I don't dislike KPop, neither to I have any animosity towards Shinee. Thank you for your understanding.

And, no, I don't plan on making this a KPop blog. I just like to rant, and when I rant, there are very little topics that I don't stray to. 

Anyway, out of curiousity (wow!) I decided to watch Shinee's Sherlock MV and then I realized one of the many things I've realized about Shinee (sorry, did that confuse you?) : a lot of times I can't ever catch the tune of their songs. Except for the more popular ones like. Lucifer. And that Ring-a-ling one. And Hello. But seriously everything else just mushes together and I can't make anything out of it. 

And then! It just amazes me! How entertainers nowadays just take inspiration from almost anything! Okay so that has been the case from when the Earth was still in its diapers and God was pregnant (ignore that, please), but still! The desire to be different is continuously evolving, and somehow these KPop bands are completely innovative when it comes to their methods of entertainment. Like this:

dailykpopnews

 Like, wow! They hipsterfied Sherlock Holmes! What would Sir Arthur Conan Doyle have to say about this I wonder? I look at this with mixed feelings, honestly. I think it's, in a way, awesome that they can help spread awareness so kids will broaden their literary horizons and maybe feel compelled to pick up a copy of The Hound of The Baskervilles, instead of Twilight. On the other hand, I feel as if their take on the whole British-mystery thing is awfully shallow. But maybe it's just me. At least they're not wearing houndstooth and deerstalker hats, eh? =P Don't get me wrong. I think the oversized black frames and Doc Martens look very nice. Much better than the starry shorts that, I swear to God, popped out of nowhere just for the lulz.

koreansound

Yes, you heard me. Starry shorts. With the Doc Martens. Holy good God.

I like how Taemin looks just fabulously colourful and pretty. But then I am reminded he is a he and suddenly I feel all wrong in the stomach. 

I don't know why, but I get all discriminative when people go about saying 'oh I like so-and-so' because  they've watched the movie or their idols made a song inspired by the book. But then they don't read the book. In fact, they are familiar with the name but are probably clueless to who or what Sherlock Holmes is. For all they know he's another KPop artiste that flips his conditioned locks and swings his narrow hips to a crowd of adoring fangirls. You see how discriminative I am. But, really. How many people have read the books. Huh? Huh? Go read them if you haven't. At least get a concrete idea of what is behind the Hollywood blockbusters...and under Taemin's black top hat.

Oh, and Taemin is not actually the only guy I can name from Shinee. I know that there is Jonghyun, Key, Minho, but unfortunately that other guy is lost to me. It could've been worse. When I first got to know about the boys I couldn't tell them apart even if you paid me a kimchi load of gold. And that was a very shallow thing to say.

I'm sorry for the nonsensical KPop rant. I shall return to more normal topics in the next post. Thank you for your time. 

Morosity

It's that time when the beast within me takes a peek out into the open world.

Suddenly, I remember the poem from Tim Burton's collection of poems that I got for Christmas a few years back.

"There was once a morose melon head,

who sat there all day,

and wished he were dead.

But you should be careful,

about the things that you wish,

because the last thing he heard, 

was a deafening squish."

Melonhead by Tim Burton, via artikulation

I remember the Christmas after it (or was it the same Christmas?), I got a set of Tim Burton's characters.   My favourite character is The Boy With Nails In His Eyes. And Oysterboy, because of the shape of his oyster head. 

It's a perfectly apt present, because there was a feeling of Christmas all about the book. In a slightly depressing, morbid way, but Christmas nontheless. Somehow I feel seasonal when I read that book.

The Boy With Nails In His Eyes

"The boy with nails in his eyes, 

put up his aluminum tree.

It looked pretty strange,

because he couldn't really see."

Tim Burton seems to enjoy Christmas a lot. How many of his works revolve around this end-year holiday? I think a stockingful would be quite a safe bet. The size of said stocking is up to your interpretation =P. His ideas of Christmas are hardly conventional, though. It's somehow always portrayed as sad and lonesome. As if he's trying to remind us that not all of us have warm love and gifts during Christmas. As if he's opening the door, letting the cold winds swirl around the cozy fireplace, frosting the hot chocolate. Somehow, the truth I interpret from his works make me like his seasonal-themed works. In ways it is a sort of comfort. 

I think the cold nights these days remind me of Christmas, hence random mid-year-Christmas posts. Not that it seems to have any relation to the actual day. Cause I can bet with you when Christmas comes it's going to be so effing sunny it's almost as if Santa threw all the presents into the sun as extra fuel. Probably with occasional rain, but mostly sun. Yeah, mostly sun.  

Go read some Tim Burton poetry! You'll enjoy them, Christmas, Halloween, sun or rain. 

Bwargh

I've been so unproductive this week D=.

I feel so emo right now. Lol. Not kill-myself-emo, but just moody emo. I don't know why. Maybe I slept too long. It's a rare moment to be emo and yet have no reason why. Maybe it's the fact that I've been so unproductive. Or maybe I've just strayed from my determined path to glory. Or maybe....maybe it's Maybelline. 

LOL.

Polyvore

Blaargh. I don't know what's wrong anymore. 

On the plus side, I had a super yummy Indian lunch today with Shamiel and Esmond! Was happily bloat after that. Esmond and I split another order of mutton biryani and potato naan, with an additional cheese naan. Shamiel had a chicken tandoori set. The chicken was deliciously succulent. It's so hard to come by decent tandoori; quite a lot I've had in the past were awfully dry and tough. The biryani and potato naan was just as delicious, though the cheese naan was quite boring and plain. We also had a lime and mint drink. It came in a glorious emerald green colour and was a very refreshing accompaniment to the spices.

The restaurant is called Indian Kitchen by the way! The only reason why there're no photos as promised is because my sister took my compact to the magical realm of Sabah and we were in a bit of a hurry to get back in time for the men's (note how I didn't say boys =P) afternoon class so I couldn't fuss about with DeeDee. Oh well. That's another promise for a return!

I guess I did sleep too long. Bleh. Well, there are happy phases, and then there're not so happy phases. I guess this is just one of the latter. 

Enough staring at fuzzy Pattinson. Here's a Totoro for you!

fanservice

How

Baaah I feel sleepy as heck now.

The week passed awfully quick .____. Suddenly it's Friday and the weekend again. And it feels like just yesterday I was bored as hell and wanting to go shopping and all that. I will most probably have to hole up and work on assignments for yet another week because I am amazing and the thought of lengthy bus trips annoy me and I still want to go shopping but I just don't want to take the trouble to at the same time.

Some things are just...bleh. Whatever. I hate being so selfish, wallowing in self pity and stupid thoughts, but the mood hits me even before I am aware of feeling anything. I can't actually ignore something that's offered to me in my face. And one can't help comparing, now, can they?

I always feel guilty after doing that, though, no matter how sharp the pang of bitterness may be. I feel so bad for being so ungrateful and being discontented with what I already have.

I need to go out and be sunned, lol. But then I had two hours worth of fun walking in the sun yesterday, up to the point that I got a minor sun burn about the chest and shoulders. I did not quite expect my flip flops to last the journey but they did. Go ipanema! None of the croc-shmock for me anymore, not when my yellow ones failed me back in Sem 1 and I fell into that gleaming puddle of mud.

Argh. It's just one of those ridiculous emo moments of mine. 

Totowo help me pull my mood back up. I pray to you to help me pull it back up.

Love

Before you ask, no, this is not an April Fools' joke.

Have you ever had the urge to do something? Or buy something. Anything. Something that gets on your mind constantly, something you just can't seem to shake off when you're working on something else. It can be a pair of shoes you saw on sale. Or maybe bungee jumping. Or melting a whole packet of chocolate and filling a chocolate tube with it and topping it with marshmallows and strawberries and eating the whole lot of it without looking in the mirror.

But right before you actually blow your money on your feet or jump off a cliff or get fat, you get yanked back. As if you were held by a short leash. Metaphorically of course. It'd be awkward if you really had a short leash around your neck. 

Have you ever asked yourself, what really made you not do what you wanted most?

I asked myself that very same question today. And I found that the answer was none other than love. Yes. Pure, simple love. Love for another more that is a whole lot stronger than the love for myself. This love I hang around my own neck; it draws me up short when I get some seemingly crazy idea and I think there is no stopping me until I've executed it. 

It sounds pretty darn emo, but there you go. Love. And nothing other than love.

Because honest to god, had I not have that much love for my parents, right about now I would already have this:

Ice Yarns

-on my bed, and this:

reddefectSTOCK

- on my ear.

I don't understand the harm in either, neither can I fathom the reason of me not doing them. But I don't because my parents say no and because I love my parents I will hold myself back from doing so, though I really do want them. 

Happy April Fools' Day everybody. Hope you're doing the pranking and not being pranked. Safest bet is to stay at home and cut off all communications until the day is over, I believe. Haha. 

Emo post

I'll admit, this was suppose to be an emo post. I planned, as I turned my laptop on, to release my pent up frustration over myself in the form of a blog post. I wanted to let out all those stupid thoughts, thoughts that creep up to me and pounce like dark robbers of all that is good. And just as I was in this mad delusion of dark thoughts, more problems come up, clamouring for attention. It was about all I could stand. It was just one of those moments in my life when I felt as if everything I did and am doing are all hopelessly wrong, that the world around me is moving forward constantly with me just standing still. A moment when I feel completely lost with no sense of direction. No knowledge of where I'm going, where I was now, what I was then. I was quite ready to take a flying leap over the balcony, headfirst just to make sure the cavern in which all evil from within me resides reaches the hard ground first. All jokes aside.

But then a call came. A call with a warm voice; gentle despite its own exhaustion, kind regardless of its own tired needs.
And suddenly, the world and I seem to be moving forward together again.


I don't think even God knows how much I love you Esmond. No, I don't think He does.

;___;

Every time I came back, the first I'd do even before I stepped into my house was run to the back to see you padding up to me.

Everytime I left, before I go into the car, I'd go to the back to pat you and wish you goodbye; to tell you to take care of the house in my place.

Every time I go to the back window, I'd peer out and call you, watch you as you wander around in your twilight freedom, remember that once upon a time, we were young together and I could hold you in my arms.

....


I don't know why, but it's just so hard for me to get over you. I still can't believe you're gone.


Every time I look out of the window, I still expect you to be there. I still expect you to be there to welcome me back; for me to say goodbye to before I leave.

No.

Back then, I didn't want to blog about it.

I don't want to blog about it now either.

Hating

The first few moments of waking up after sleeping. You get this stupid feeling of being awake and yet cobwebs of sleep are still all over you. Trapped between two worlds of dreams and reality, so that when thoughts come into your head it's difficult to tell which are real and which are just figments of your imagination.
You move through the reality of chores and routines with mechanical rigidness; with short, jerky movements, getting the job done almost intuitively instead of actually thinking about it. So that later when you think back you get the feeling as if you haven't done something when you actually have.
When you sit down you get an odd, restless feeling as if time is moving to quickly and there are so many things to do, so many tasks to complete, so many ambitions to achieve. As if the brief respite has sent you hurtling into the future and you've lost ten years off your youth.

Maybe it's due to the time of awakening. One of the worst times possible to wake from a nap, in my opinion. It's that moment when it's neither day nor night, when light battles a dying war, when it's final majestic rays lay sinking in the horizon and darkness takes its place in the sky.

And that is why I hate twilight.




At this time of the day I sometimes feel as if the sun will never rise again.

O^O

Omg omg omg Copic Colour has this awesome feature that allows you to show which markers you have and which you want O___O.

I'm so loving this site, lol. It's Copic-licious in all the right ways XD.

Anyone actually had hands on experience at the rally today? Esmond and I were giving in to some imagining about how it'd have really good photography and journalling opportunities. As long as we don't get hit on the head by a tear gas canister or take a water cannon blast in the face of the Canons, lol. Get it get it? XD.

Owhkay, fine, lame joke =___=. Moving on.

I bet the souls of our nation's previous leaders are greviously at un-rest right now. Seeing at how atrociously disgusting the authorities are behaving. I thought it was a citizen's right to rally and demand for their needs and wants? So much for being all about the rakyat and shyt. Back then when our forefathers were striving for Independence they rallied and discussed and demonstrated- you don't see them firing up the tear gas and water cannons. Or maybe twas because they didn't have that kind of stuff back then. Haha.

Speaking seriously though, what is it all about when the younger generation are taught in History classes all their high school lives about how our Independence was won through peaceful discussion and diplomatic reasoning- and that we should all be taking a leaf out of our past leaders' books? If you're going to drill that into the heads of the students, then the least those a-holes up there could do is actually practice what they're throwing out there to preach. For some old farts with more money than they actually deserve, they sure act like a bunch of kids fresh out of juvenile prison.

Yeah, expect the ISA to cart me off soon enough.

Anyways, I'm going to put this shyt aside for now and try to do something more worth my while. Like. Playing with my markers and zoning out. Lol. Farewell.

love is NOT dead ;____;

T^T yes you know why I'm here again.

OMG How could I have missed the update. Talk about super slow. Joanne you effing retard ;__;.

Yes, I just found out that D'espairsray disbanded. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?! Hizumi-san, I shall pray for your speedy recovery. The world of Jrock needs you and d'espa's awesomeness, please don't leave!!! T___T.

Listening to the Monsters album, I realized just how hard he must've pushed himself despite the pain he must be going through. Oh how artists suffer for their art, how much we love them for it. Why must they be punished for bringing so much good to the world of Jrock *sobs*.
Omg, I remember when I first listened to their Redeemer album. Didn't quite hit it for me at first, but I think that they're the only band that got a revisit, didn't they? Besides Gackt who had multiple revisits...pointless digression. But post-Gackt, I actually listened to d'espa's songs a lot more. I remember all those bus rides to campus and malls during first sem when I was pretty much in loner mode and I had their tracks playing on repeat. And the MV for Redeemer will forever be one of my favourites. And TSUKASAAAAAA!!!!! The only drummer I bothered fangirling about! T_T.
Awesomeness will live forevermore, Immortal-ized in their albums. They were Tricksters, Human-clad Monsters of rock-goodness. I don't think any of their fans will believe that this is their Final Call. They won't be Lost in Re:birth, they won't take part in the Devil's Parade, this is not their Death Point. I think all the fans are united in prayers and hoping that Hizumi recovers completely, so that they will continue to be infinitely Brilliant, moving right on to the Horizon.

Yeah, it happens all the time, doesn't it? You'll never quite appreciate a good thing till it's gone. Only when you've realized it's dead, only then will the memories of the glory surge upon you in one fell, heart-breaking swoop.

No, Love Is not Dead.

This sucks

The one event I want to go to and I don't see a way to get to it.

And no, I don't mean the Linkin Park concert during the Singapore GP. That can go up in flames for all I care compared to what I want to go to.

Nothing might happen. I might not even win. Hell, the whole building might go up in flames instead of the GP circuit. But I feel that this is something I really don't want to miss. It wasn't such a big thing when I first joined the competition, but now that I know what's in store, I don't want to miss it. I don't want to not be there during the speeches, during the exhibition, during the meet-up with professionals and fellow artists-in-the-making. It's a new experience I want to have under my belt; not something I want to look back at and curse at myself for being such a fucking fool to let slide.

But one thing I know I can't and won't do is desert my teammates. I can't be so bloody selfish to leave them at THE most critical moment of the whole semester just to go for something of my own gain. It's something you need to do when you're playing by team. You can't put yourself first. The team does. And I'm not about to do something as fucked up as ditching them at a time when we all need to be together.

But is it worth it?

What the fuck am I saying. Joanne go kill yourself. OF COURSE IT'S WORTH IT. Your semester's GPA is at stake, along with four other GPAs belonging to your fellow teammates. And I know for sure that I will NEVER forgive myself if anything screws up for us. I love my team too much to do something so ridiculous as that. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF JOANNE. STOP ACTING LIKE A WHINY ASSHOLE AND SET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

...

I don't even want to begin asking why. Haha, fucking ironic. Here we are building a fucking 7 ft tall question mark and a man doing the 'what's up?' pose and all this unsolved problems are fucking laughing in my fucking face. It's just two wrong things happening at the wrongest of times. Can't get any wronger than that. Unless the question mark breaks in half or I die that is *touches wood*.

Why am I feeling so shitty? T T. I'm sorry, I desert this place for almost half a year and come back swearing my head off and being emo. I shouldn't be acting so stupid. No excuses needed.

Argh.

Ouch

This is absolutely ridiculous.

This was one thing I kinda failed to realize. That this would scare the effing crap out of me. Is it suppose to? Is it just how new experiences are? Moments where you feel absolutely frightened out of your wits?

What am I afraid of anyway?

Tired Rant

Nah, not really tired. No time to be tired really; it's one thing after another, even if I was tired I would have to make sure I wasn't or I wouldn't ever get anywhere with assignments.

Dear God, university life has disappointed me greatly.

I'm not going to go *screamscreamscreamflipmiddlefingerup* because I'd like to believe that there is rational reason for the chaos of all this. But that won't stop me from thinking that this is NOT the best studying environment to be in. I mean, we hardly have any time to complete one assignment when the next one comes right in, and then all of them are due the same week. I think a lot of my fellow coursemates would agree that a little more time to breathe would be great. The assignment at hand demand so much from us; and I think all of us would like to give our very best and achieve near-perfection.

But, seriously, with the amount of time we get for most of the assignments, it's superbly taxing trying to do just that.

I know that university life is not the same as high-school. Of course we do not expect to be spoon-fed every little thing. But it's stupid when the lecturers throw every bit of information they are paid to throw at us and leave us at that. So that they expect one lesson we'll be able to grasp and execute perfection.

We are all here for similar reasons. We love creating, we love creativity, we love challenges and thinking out of the box. But to force us to think in the least time possible will do nothing but hamper the creative learning process. There is only so much we can absorb in one moment; not all of us are Da Vincis.

Thinking optimistically, working against the clock is good training for when we enter the industry and have to face the panic of deadlines, but really, COME ON. At the end of the day we are still students. We're here to learn the ropes and learn them well. Instead we hate our assignments more and more as the days pass and when that happens, we end up doing our assignments just to get it over and done with and not by enjoying and learning something from it.

What kind of a learning process is this? And what will we turn out to be in the future? If this continues, I think most of us would graduate (if we ever make it that far) as individuals who stop enjoying the journey and just want to reach the end. And that'll be as far as our creativity will go, believe you me.

And though idea development is a very important step to creating artwork (or anything for that matter), it is really quite ridiculous to be expected to produce 10-20 different ideas revolving around one core point. I think even the lecturers would realize that out of all the 10-20, not more than 5 would be considered good ideas and the rest would be just shitty reproductions. No doubt this development would make us think of different approaches towards a single problem. But as the saying goes: QUALITY OVER QUANTITY.

Perhaps I'm contradicting myself, perhaps people with more experience would simply think I'm a whiner. Then I would like to remind you that once, you too were a student. You had (and hopefully still have) zeal and passion and energy. I'm sure you'd once felt disheartened and frustrated when you are forced to do something just for the sake of it and not being able to enjoy it as you wish.

Unless you want most of us to go around moaning to our friends about our crap time here, I think the higher authorities should do something about returning the creativity and FUN to learning. After all, life isn't about the final destination, it's about the journey towards it.


Tell me if I'm contradicting myself, please.

;___;

This place is as good as dead, isn't it?

I'm sorry I didn't put any effort in blogging. Gah, screw that; I haven't put any effort in writing in my journal either, and that is at least a hundred times more important.

It's not a good thing, not at all. I suppose to other people they'll just think 'so what? It's not your fault your life is busy as hell. Anyway, it's just blogging/writing. No one's going to want to read it anyway' etc etc.

It's not that way for me. Not at all.

I can't find it in myself to scream and let whatever I feel out however I fancy. Sometimes I find it hard to show others my real feelings (doesn't everyone?). I try not to show my bad side because it can look very, very ugly and hell, I'm not in most people's list of Good Lasting Impressions and I don't want to drop any further down. So I tend to keep stuff inside. Hence the rapid growth of white hairs on my head and the odd pain I get in my chest that sure as hell does not tickle when you prod it =_=.

Writing helps me in ways I think most writers would agree to. It keeps things in perspective. Writing it down makes me see the picture for what it really is, because even if I wanted to blow things out of proportion, I'd have to look at the real thing first, and that would make me think twice before actually being a drama queen. It keeps the memory down, right down in hard black and white. So that when I turn back the pages after a while, I read and think 'oh, right, this happened'. It refreshes my disintegrating mind. And it reminds me. It reminds me of what I am, what I'm here for, what I am trying to be. It aligns my fears, my goals, my ups, my downs so that I can see every single detail in chronological order and put a mark at where I stand, and where I will be standing when I continue through the journey most of us call life.

It's simple, really. Writing keeps me sane. And the less I write, the further I feel from myself and what I really am.

Laziness is the essence of all evil, and for that I shall strive to overcome my vice and remind myself that Joanne Loo, you can do much, MUCH better than this.

Art-related Ramble~

Thought I forgot all about him, dincha? 8D

Some random thoughts led me to wonder about the entire philosophy she-whizz-bang-thing about art.

Just what the hell is art?

Indeed, art is in everything and anything one can think of. In maths, science, nature, politics, cognition, history, just about everything is artistic to a certain extent.

Visual arts make up simply a fraction of all these wondrous things that make up the world we know and live in.

So what makes a good artwork, well, good? Colours? Perspective? The Golden Ratio (which, if you simply must know is equivalent to 1.618)? It's so subjective that really, when it comes to judging a piece of artwork, beauty really does lie in the eyes of the beholder.

But, no matter how organic and abstract art is, I honestly think that there are still rules to the game that one should know of. The rules I mean are not the concrete laws of sorts, but really skills and things that an artist should master before and artist can be called an artist.

Not fancy degrees or lengthy courses (though of course that helps to further develop your $k!lLz), but rather simple little things that an artist should master, either through coaching, observation, or just bucketloads of practice. Things like colour-coordination and combination, perspective, light and shadow, anatomy, followed by mastering the different mediums- watercolours, oils, colour pencils, pastels, markers. By mastering all of these, or the ones that relate to you most, you as an artist will be able to do the most important thing, probably the reason for your imaginative creation- to express yourself, your personal ideas, inspirations, thoughts and feelings.

Think about it, as a kid, your mind is filled with all sorts of imaginative ideas and thoughts. You'd like to express them through an outlet, but without the skill, the idea you have in your head is unable to appear just as you want it to in reality. It can be frustrating, even if you do have the skills, when at times your hand just won't connect with the idea, and poof.

So, no matter what people say, I believe that it is a neccessity to master all the different skills in order to really release the pent-up idea from within.

And, most importantly, you've got to know the rules before you can break them. That's the whole difference between a complete amatuer and a professional. It's no excuse to draw stick-men (no offense meant- stick-men should be worshipped as they are inevitably the basic foundation of all things artistic) and call it art simply because you have not one atom of idea about anatomy. I know plenty out there would disagree with me on this, but like I said. Art is subjective. And this is what I think. Don't hide behind your weaknesses and give use this whole 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' as a pathetic excuse.

So, yeah. My view on the subject. Deal with it.